Wednesday, January 16, 2008

the poem that started it all over again......

....someday back on 2007......the college required some junior editors..for the college magazine.The notice was announced in the class....and I missed it.Reason? was yet another lazy day for woke up late and somehow hurried up and went to the college...that's a different thought though(I can write a one page essay on me arriving late for the lectures all the time!).Friends told me about this and although I wasn't really sure if I should give it a friends egged me on.I suddenly went down memory lane....remembered the school days...the way I used to write those I used to put my heart and soul in it!.....I hated writing when not in a mood...but when I wanted to write something....I gave it my best shot.But somehow I just lost my interest in writing....while trying to solve those other dilemmas of my teenage life-I doubted if I still had those(not so great...but average) writing skills.Nevertheless.....after a lot of thinking....and mind you it was 'a lot' of it.... I went to the library where we were called for selection.We were given quite a few topics....and the one I chose was ..'the last diary entry of a girl committing suicide'....and let me tell you..I was the most appropriate person,in that room who could write on this if fate chose me to write this poem.I remember how things weren't just working out right for me.I regretted everything I did,every decision I took, seemed like a big mistake.I had started to feel desolate....thought that everyone hated me...that I was just good for nothing.But then this poem happened....and it sort of changed things for the better..(not completely though).I really didn't think I stood any chance of being selected...I mean with people like Amrita to compete with(she writes amazingly well)....I really thought it was a waste..I was the person writing...or should I racking my brains...till the very end.I had almost given up halfway.Scribbling,searching for the right was taking way too long....I prayed and I prayed hard 'coz I was tired of failures....and as if someone had heard my prayers...I heard a voice inside me(mine of course ;))...which kept telling me to keep going...'don't give up you fool....! fight'll find the right words....just think!'--it said....And then....the words,the thoughts,the rhyme-scheme.....just everything started falling in the right place!....And there it was ....a complete poem...I had written after such a long time.......and guess what?????It got selected!....okay,so there were very few people to select from....but hey ! what the heck...I did get selected after all !!! It was a great feeling...rising from the ashes,when all hopes were lost....I achieved something and that too thanks to the pathetic situation I was that's some irony..! here's the poem..that made me feel like writing again....a poem that started it all over again......

Last Diary Entry of a Girl Committing Suicide..

Sitting beside the window,
looking at a dark cloud,
I wonder if I should give up..
or should I still stand proud.

Friends run away from me,
my parents hate me too...
If only there was a day
when my heart didn't feel so blue.

Everytime I tripped,
I fell on my back....
ladyluck betrayed me
and I ran out of luck.

With a heart of broken dreams
I stand here all alone...
with emotions heaped up in my head
and no one I could phone.

In this utter darkness,
I wish I'd find a lone ray...
I would mend my heart again
to live,I'd find a way.

But I guess its all over now
even words betray me....
I don't have enough of them
to end this tragedy.